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Project Development

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

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The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

'Die Unruhe prägt mich, und lässt mich auch Nachts nicht los.'

- quoted from Notes, 2020

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Shock - Digital, 2020

I think I choked when I got the call, but I didn't fully process it until some time in late 2018, when I started sleeping less at night, collapsing on couches in the midday, and seeing flashbacks cloud the inside of my eyeballs every time I looked in the mirror. I could've sworn I was being haunted from the amount of times I saw someone that looked similar, behaved similar. Sounded similar. It was bewildering.

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I often found myself staring up at the ceiling in the middle of the night, my eyes burning, but sleep wouldn't come. My mind was awake. Hours would go by; 5 am, 6..6.30...6:55, alarm rang at 7. Still awake. 

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Days came that were fine, and then the sleepless nights would return. I started wondering if neighbours noticed me collapsed with booted legs dangling over the sofa armrest by the open window like a dead weasel while the sun was up - 4 consecutive days in a row, because I couldn't make it to the bed.

 

Surely I wasn't the only one that thought I'd gone mad.

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Looking back, I feel like my reaction might have been one of psychological shock, and it's the reason I've marked it as the beginning of my grieving process.

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Exhaustion - Digital, 2020

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

​

The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

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Endlessness - Digital, 2020

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

​

The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

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Findings/Traces (In Memory) - Digital, 2020

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

​

The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

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