top of page

Project Development

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

'Die Unruhe prägt mich, und lässt mich auch Nachts nicht los.'

- quoted from Notes, 2020

Narrative3.1-2.jpg

Shock - Digital, 2020

I think I choked when I got the call, but I didn't fully process it until some time in late 2018, when I started sleeping less at night, collapsing on couches in the midday, and seeing flashbacks cloud the inside of my eyeballs every time I looked in the mirror. I could've sworn I was being haunted from the amount of times I saw someone that looked similar, behaved similar. Sounded similar. It was bewildering.

I often found myself staring up at the ceiling in the middle of the night, my eyes burning, but sleep wouldn't come. My mind was awake. Hours would go by; 5 am, 6..6.30...6:55, alarm rang at 7. Still awake. 

Days came that were fine, and then the sleepless nights would return. I started wondering if neighbours noticed me collapsed with booted legs dangling over the sofa armrest by the open window like a dead weasel while the sun was up - 4 consecutive days in a row, because I couldn't make it to the bed.

 

Surely I wasn't the only one that thought I'd gone mad.

Looking back, I feel like my reaction might have been one of psychological shock, and it's the reason I've marked it as the beginning of my grieving process.

WhoAmISketchBlendLighting2.png

Exhaustion - Digital, 2020

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

Narrative3.3.png

Endlessness - Digital, 2020

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

Narrative4.jpg

Findings/Traces (In Memory) - Digital, 2020

The project was started as a coping mechansim, after my aunt and uncle's deaths in 2017. Both deaths, occurring within 6 weeks of each other, had significant impact on my view of death - and this was, as I later realised in the process of working on this project, due to the significant impact their lives had on mine.

The digital paintings focus on the development of my grief during a prolonged but intermittent period of 2-3 years. The project was started at the very start of the UK Covid-19 lockdown, as I decided to reflect visually on my feelings of the prolonged grieving period. 

bottom of page